Don’t Make Them Feel Bad
Summary
- If you want someone to improve, they need clear guidance, not just criticism.
- Telling someone they did something wrong and making them feel bad isn't effective.
- I saw an example on Selling Sunset where a character yelled but gave no constructive advice. This doesn't help anyone.
- Criticizing without giving a better direction or solution is pointless.
- Dwelling on past mistakes doesn't help the person or the situation.
- People who feel bad about themselves rarely improve their behavior.
- Novice leaders often just point out mistakes without offering ways to improve.
- Disempowering someone by making them feel bad doesn't make them better at their job.
- Making someone scared of being fired might work short-term but won't help in the long-term.
Video
How To Take Action
Implementation Strategies
I would suggest implementing these strategies to help your team, or even yourself, improve more effectively:
Provide Clear Guidance
Don't just mention what went wrong. Always follow up with what actions to take to improve. For example, instead of saying, "This report is poorly written," you could say, "This report needs more detailed data analysis. Please include graphs and comparisons to previous months."
Focus on Solutions, Not Criticism
Whenever giving feedback, always offer a solution or a way to improve. Criticism without a path forward is not helpful. For instance, if someone missed a deadline, suggest, "Next time, set smaller goals to track your progress and send me updates halfway through."
Avoid Dwelling on Past Mistakes
Make it a habit to address the issue quickly and then shift focus to how to prevent it in the future. If an error keeps happening, work with the person to create a step-by-step plan to avoid it next time.
Empower, Don’t Disempower
Instead of making someone feel bad, empower them by showing trust in their ability to improve. Say things like, "I believe you can handle this. Here’s how we can make it better together." This builds confidence and encourages them to take responsibility.
Use Constructive Language
Be mindful of how you phrase your feedback. Avoid using harsh or negative language that could make someone feel bad. Instead of "This is all wrong," try "This part could be better if done this way."
Avoid Creating Fear
Building a culture of fear might work in the short term, but it's not sustainable. Motivate your team through encouragement and clear expectations rather than threats of negative consequences.
By focusing on these strategies, you'll create a more positive and productive environment that encourages continual growth and improvement.
Full Transcript
oh if I want someone to get better then they need to know where they did wrong and they need to feel bad about it they just really need to feel bad I was watching selling Sunset the character Mary and she like yelled at Christina and was like you just just stop just stop being a and like that was her directive and it's like now what you've done is youve just told Christine that she's a you made her feel bad and you didn't tell her what to do differently you didn't tell her what to do instead you didn't tell her a direction to go dwelling on the past it doesn't help them it doesn't help you it's not going to help make think better people who feel bad about themselves are not the same people who get better this is something I continue to see because the more novice a leader is the more likely they are to just tell someone hey you're doing this wrong why are you not doing it better okay well since when has ever disempowering somebody made them better at their job like I'll wait maybe in the short term because they're scared of being fired but not in the long term