How I REPROGRAM myself for success in love, money & happiness

Summary

• I've realized that understanding psychology and how to change behavior is key to success in business, not just knowing operations or HR.
• Personal experiences taught me that facing fears, like living alone, public speaking, and dating, can lead to overcoming them.
• Changing behavior starts with evaluating our thinking, challenging irrational beliefs, and arguing against mistaken perceptions we hold about ourselves.
• Albert Ellis's studies helped me understand how to address and dispute irrational beliefs, like needing to be perfect or the best at everything.
• Taking action despite fear involves identifying and removing safety behaviors that we resort to in order to avoid confronting our fears.
• It's essential to confront fears repeatedly and in quick succession to retrain our brain and reinforce the desired behavior over the previous fearful one.
• Short-term discomfort from facing fears can lead to long-term gains and freedom from those fears, which is crucial for growing a business or personal development.
• Our psychology, wired for survival, often hinders our success until we consciously rewire it by consistently confronting fears.
• Be willing to challenge and dispute irrational thoughts and beliefs to level up in business and life.

Video

How To Take Action

I would suggest starting by understanding the importance of psychology in changing behavior to succeed in business and personal growth. Begin with small actions that help you face your fears. Here's a plan to guide you:

1. Evaluate Your Thinking:

   • List Your Fears: Write down what you're afraid of doing in your business or personal life.
   • Challenge Irrational Beliefs: Argue against thoughts like "I must be perfect" by asking if there's real evidence that supports this. If not, it's probably not true.

2. Remove Safety Behaviors:

   • Identify Avoidance Actions: Notice when you avoid tasks because they scare you.
   • Confront Fears Repeatedly: Instead of avoiding, do the scary thing. It might be uncomfortable at first but will get easier over time.

3. Practice Quick Succession:

• Repeat the Action: Do the fear-causing task as often as you can. This helps train your brain to handle the fear better.

4. Short-term Discomfort for Long-term Gain:

   • Accept Discomfort: Remember, feeling uncomfortable for a little while can lead to big improvements in the long run.

5. Confront Fears Consistently:

   • Stick to It: Keep challenging your fears. The more you do it, the more you train your brain for success, not just survival.

Here's what you could do today: Pick one small fear related to your business or personal growth, like making a phone call you've been avoiding. Challenge any negative thoughts about it, then do it. Afterwards, reflect on how it went and how you can apply this experience to bigger fears.

Remember, it's okay to start small, and the more you practice this, the more confidence you'll gain in business and life.

Quotes by Leila Hormozi

"If I feel nervous about something, I should do it"

– Leila Hormozi

"If we can rewire our brains for success by basically confronting fear at all points in time, then we are much more likely to succeed in business"

– Leila Hormozi

"Every time you don't take action against the fear you reinforce to be scared of something"

– Leila Hormozi

"Short-term gain often leads to long-term pain"

– Leila Hormozi

"The tactics of doing it anyone can learn…the reason people don't actually level up is because of our psychology"

– Leila Hormozi

Full Transcript

want to talk about is how to change your behavior and the reason that we are talking about this topic today is it is very top of mind for me because it has been the i want to say like the circular conversations i've had in the last few weeks have all revolved around how to change behavior and i think that's unknowingly or knowingly that um the conversations have kind of revolved around that so some people have come to me and said i have this thing i want to change i don't know how to change it and then other people have come to me and explain the problems that they have in their lives and they don't realize that the problem is not the situation around them but is it in fact their behavior and how they interact with the situation and so i kind of want to break down what has helped me because i can talk about business and hr and i.t and operations all that crap but honestly the thing that's helped me the most is studying psychology and how to change behavior because for myself that has been what has allowed me to become good at business because i think that oftentimes the things that prevent us from getting really good at business and actually achieving what we want to achieve are fear doubt anxiety anger those things it's not really not understanding i.t or hr or finance or how to hire people like that is all stuff that you can read the book the question is why are you not doing the things that you know that you should be doing and it is usually because you don't know how to change a behavior whether it revolves around fear or anger or anxiety or whatever it's usually that right it's why are you not taking action on the knowledge that you have and this is the video that i want to explain how i figure that out for myself and i'm still figuring it out so i don't want to make it seem like i've like the end-all be-all but this is what i use for myself and so there's multiple situations in which i've used this for myself and where i continuously use it for myself so i'll give you just some of those examples the first one is that i was in college i've been living with friends the entire time and i felt like it wasn't getting me anywhere and so i was like i think i need to live alone but i was honestly really nervous about living alone for some reason and so um that was the first time i realized like if i feel nervous about something i should do it and i'd heard that many places and so i did but i freaked out uh for a good amount of time because you know for some reason you know a young woman living in not a great part of town alone i just didn't feel comfortable that was the first time that i realized that eventually what happened is that i didn't feel uncomfortable i think it probably took like you know three or four weeks in the first few nights you know you're like terrified and scared and all this stuff and it eventually goes away the second time that i can think of in more recent futures that this happened was public speaking so i was terrified of public speaking i used the word terrified because i would probably have said that back then i probably wouldn't use that nowadays but i was absolutely terrified of public speaking and this is actually when i was a trainer at 24 hour fitness and so i told myself i was going to go do the toastmasters classes so i went to toastmasters i started doing public speaking um and then once we started gym launch um we started doing events and i had to public speak there and then we had to do client uh online events et cetera et cetera and so instead of shying away from those things i just said yes to them and i remember one event that i said yes to that was not our event it was someone else's and we flew in that night and it was like 8 p.m and i get there and you know the night before i can't sleep i'm tossing and turning i wake up i feel like [ __ ] i think i slept like an hour maybe not even and the talk's at like you know what is 5 a.m my time because it's a different time zone but when i got up there i absolutely crushed the talk the funny thing is that if i had let all of my past behaviors and all my fears and anxieties and all those things stopped me then i would have never even seen that i could actually crush a talk even if i didn't feel great and even if i didn't sleep well and even if i was anxious like i could still absolutely [ __ ] murder a talk and then uh the last situation would be looking at actually uh how i met alex which is dating you know i see a lot of people say that they don't you know they don't want to put themselves out there for one reason or another i think dating is uncomfortable i actually looked at it and i was like it's a complete numbers game so you know if i just continue to go on all these dates i'm going to get better at dating i'm going to feel more comfortable dating and then eventually like when i meet somebody i'm not going to be freezing up because of you know nervousness or anything like that and that's what happened that's why i'm at alex because i decided to myself i said i'm going to go on a date a weekend that's my minimum and i've been doing that for about a year when i met alex and so the funny thing is that you know the first few days you're super nervous but by date 20 like you don't really give a [ __ ] and so that's like with most things in life and so i kind of want to break down what goes behind being able to take action despite how you feel and being able to change your behavior in spite of nega what we would perceive negative emotions emotions that we don't like the feeling of right we don't like the sensation that runs through our body when we experience these emotions so the first way that i hit it is with thinking okay and this comes from uh what is albert ellis a lot of his studies and so this is not me i'm not like some genius or anything like that i'm not gonna claim i made up some model okay this is 100 from his studies the first is thinking so it's identifying your musts shoulds and half twos okay so for me a lot of mine revolve around performance right it's like i have to crush this talk i must do well in these meetings i have to be a great boss i have a lot of those that i was holding on to same with dating i have to be the perfect woman right like i had a lot of these demands but the funny thing is that um the second piece to you know breaking down your thinking is saying uh what evidence supports that these demands are true well where is there any evidence that i have to be the perfect mate where is there any evidence that i have to be the perfect boss um doesn't [ __ ] exist and so what you would call that is an irrational belief right it's a belief that stems out of what i think an ideal would look like you know based on what hollywood you know marketing whatever like fabricated reality and so it doesn't actually match real reality it doesn't match anyone else's life if you were to look in through their lens and not your own and so that's the second piece it's first identifying what are those demands i'm putting on myself and then is there evidence to support that those demands are true and in most cases it's not it's just you being kind of crazy which is fine because you're a person right we're all fallible and then the third piece to it this is where you actually start changing your own behavior is you have to dispute your own irrational beliefs okay when i say dispute i mean i literally argue with myself in my head right and so say um i have a speech coming up because i still will get concerned like if the speech is in front of a group i don't know or someone i really want to impress i'll still get pretty nervous and think like i gotta prepare this [ __ ] a month out right um and so i have to then say to myself um because i'll have these defeating beliefs of you know you're gonna take this it's not gonna go well you're gonna feel super anxious you're not gonna they're gonna think that you suck you know they're all gonna think that you're not as smart as you think you are etc etc i have these thoughts come up and then the other side of me has to come in there and say let's look at all the times that you did crush a talk you crush talks more often than not so would it be reasonable to say that you will probably do well and if you don't do well what's the worst that's going to happen you are going to feel uncomfortable so that's literally what i do in my head and some of the times um actually a lot of the times what i do when i'm really trying to fight one of these beliefs is i identify like what are the crazy demands i'm putting myself that are irrational beliefs that are fabricated out of you know ideals that i believe are how the world should be because i you know humans tend to think the world should go the way that they want it to which that's not reality right and so i write those down and then i write down what's my argument to prove that wrong and so saying that i've told my company multiple times when you're trying to change your own behavior you often have to prove yourself wrong and so it's like you have to be able to lawyer up in your own head and dispute those arguments against yourself why should you be good at public speaking why should you be good at running a company why should you be good at operations all you do all day most of the time is tell yourself why you shouldn't be good at things why you're bad at things why you should be nervous about things this is many entrepreneurs in their heads right so very performance driven instead you have to say why should i be good at these things for the longest time i've told you guys in different videos before like i didn't think i'd be good at managing people i was like no i am well i just would say to myself like i'm way too selfish i'm way too self-centered like i'm i could never manage people i just can't see it you know it's just i would be too annoyed all the time and what do i do for the last five and a half years i've been managing people and that's what i talk about now and i love it okay so i think that you have to be able to identify those mustards and hams you have to be able to ask yourself there's any evidence to support them if there's not that's an irrational belief you need to deconstruct and then you need to be able to argue your point to yourself to deconstruct that belief so that's the first way i'm going to hit something when i have like a lot of emotion behind something that i know i need to do to become the person i want to become to create the business i want to create i have to do that that's the first thing okay so i hit it from a thinking angle the second angle i'm going to hit it through is maybe i'm feeling blocked with thinking maybe i'm like i can't i just can't get out of my head it's really difficult for me then i'm going to hit it from the action angle okay action comes like this okay so if you want to identify how to essentially act against your what i want to call safety behavior is you have to first identify what are the behaviors that you take when you're trying to avoid confronting a fear or feeling so say that you know um you know for a lot of people that they know they need to get better at operations and they know they need to hire somebody right or they know they need what is the thing that you go to do because you've said that you need to do this for years right what is the thing that you go and do instead of confronting the fear okay that's what we're going to call a safety behavior it's your safe zone you go into it so you don't have to feel the feeling of fear not to see that fear through okay go into that safe zone now you have to say okay i'm looking and here's all my little safe zones i've created for myself here my quote safety behaviors and then you have to say i have to act against that i have to take it away from myself okay so you could go to a therapist and you can pay them 500 an hour and they're going to [ __ ] tell you to do this which is find the thing that you do instead of confronting the fear and then deconstruct that take it out it is no longer an option and you're gonna think to yourself oh my god [ __ ] this is terrifying i feel scared i feel nervous etc etc um the thing is then you have to go back to number one what i was talking about which is the thinking you have to dispute your argument you have to literally be able to convince yourself to do the thing that you're afraid to do and that is a skill in its own okay so then you have to argue with yourself you see the safety behavior you know that you need to now act against it which is you take that out and you the only thing left is that the option is to then confront the fear and then when the thoughts arise you have to dispute them you have to remind yourself and so a lot of the times i think of little phrases that will help me right which is often say you're afraid of public speaking the truth is that how the audience perceives you is outside your control now do you have some control over how people perceive you you can think that you can but people are not going to like you just because of who you are regardless people are going to watch this video of mine whether i think it's good or not and whether i might think i did a great job some people are going to think it was [ __ ] horrible okay and so for public speaking i would remind myself i have no control over if anyone likes this talk or not i would say that's a good one to repeat to yourself in any situation you have to find that thing that it's i don't believe in chanting like oh i'm the best public speaker of all time because i don't [ __ ] believe that because i'm i'm not right but if you can find something that's neutral which is it's not under my control how these people perceive me you know i can believe that right which then takes some pressure off yourself and so the third piece to that is that you want to repeat that action as many times as possible in the shortest amount of time okay so say that you have a fear of flying then you take your first flight you're like oh my gosh i was super nervous but i took it and now i feel like okay it's okay okay you want to go fly the next day the next day the next you want to maybe do a weekly trip you know what i'm saying and so you want to continue to re repeat and reinforce that behavior so what you're doing is you're reinforcing the behavior that is going to overcome the fear rather than reinforcing the fear because every time you don't take action against the fear you reinforce to be scared of something you reinforce that you are not good at something you reinforce that you should be mad about something you reinforce your irrational beliefs you identify the safety behaviors you act against safety behaviors you dispute the arguments in your head when those thoughts arise that are uncomfortable and then you repeat that action over and over and over again i know that that sounds like the hard way to do things and the reality is is that short-term gain often leads to uh long-term pain and so instead if you decide to be uncomfortable in short-term because here's the reality if you are afraid of public speaking if you're afraid of flying if you're afraid of dating if you're afraid of hiring somebody if you're afraid of spending money on marketing if you're afraid of making a big move in business more often than not uh the avoidance of it creates more fear than the thing itself and so then once you start confronting that fear you have to do it over and over again to train yourself because you are we are humans and so we are tradable we are learning machines to do it over and over and over again to show yourself there's nothing to be scared of and that's really where you find freedom and so if you're looking at changing some piece of your behavior if you're looking at making a big move in business i want you to ask yourself why you haven't done it yet and it's usually because you have an ira rational belief or an irrational fear about something and you've been perpetuating it by hiding in these safety behaviors these little nooks that we create and you haven't exposed that to yourself and you haven't been able to take the action against it and listen guys i am not a therapist i'm not a psychologist i'm not anything all i know is that i want to get to where i want to get in business and i want to have a big empire then i have to be able to confront my fears because like i said the tactics of doing it anyone can go [ __ ] learn you can go google it you can go to a conference you can go to a seminar you can hire a coach you can do whatever to learn that [ __ ] the reason people don't actually level up is because of this it's because of our psychology because our brains are wired for survival not success and so if we can rewire them for success by basically confronting fear at all points in time then we are much more likely to succeed in business and so i hope you found that valuable i hope that video is useful for you today if it was go ahead hit subscribe button or whatever is below and i will see you on the next one