How we run a $100,000,000 business together…and STILL STAY MARRIED..

Summary

• I believe that understanding what you want in a relationship is crucial for entrepreneurs, and this awareness comes from having clear criteria for what you look for in a partner, including non-negotiables and wants.
• My own experience taught me that I desired a partnership where both of us could engage actively and equally in both business and life, rather than having a more passive relationship dynamic.
• Two successful relationship dynamics I've observed among entrepreneurs are the "fullback" and the "cheerleader." In a "fullback" relationship, partners are equals on the field, sharing missions, values, and intertwining lives, with an interdependent relationship.
• As a dominant, ambitious woman, I resonate with finding a partner who matches or exceeds my drive and ambition, which is characteristic of a "fullback" dynamic, where both partners support and challenge each other.
• The "cheerleader" dynamic involves one partner being the number one supporter and creating a safe space for the other to thrive, even if they may not be actively involved in the same ventures.
• It's important to distinguish between supportive cheerleaders who encourage you to rest and heal when necessary versus unsupportive partners who encourage quitting during tough times.
• Key elements in either dynamic are a shared mission, aligned values, and clear expectations, which help to avoid resentment and misunderstandings in a relationship.
• Before committing to a relationship, or if uncertain about the current state of a partnership, it's beneficial to identify whether you seek a "fullback" or "cheerleader" dynamic, and then to consider if your partner aligns with that.
• Relationships should not drag you down with negativity or foster insecurity; rather, they should promote mutual growth and provide a space for each person to handle their own emotions responsibly.
• Defining roles and expectations in a relationship—if you haven't already—is one of the most valuable things you can do. It ensures both partners are on the same page and working towards common goals.
• My advice is to write down what you want, audit your current relationship to see if it fits the dynamic you're after, and have a candid conversation about mission, values, and expectations with your partner.

Video

How To Take Action

I would suggest implementing clear criteria for your relationships to ensure they align with your business and personal life. If you're an entrepreneur, think about what type of partnership dynamic you want: a "fullback" where both partners are equally engaged in the business and support each other's ambitions, or a "cheerleader" where one partner provides moral support and encourages the other's pursuits.

Here's how to put this into action:

• Sit down and write a list of what you want in a partner, including your non-negotiables and wants. Be specific about the qualities you're looking for.
• Examine your current relationship. Does it fit the "fullback" or "cheerleader" dynamic, or is it something different? Does it support you in your entrepreneurial journey without negativity or insecurity?
• Have a candid conversation with your partner about your shared mission, values, and clear expectations. This helps prevent misunderstandings and fosters mutual growth.

If you're single or unsure if your current relationship aligns with your goals, focus on discovering which dynamic – "fullback" or "cheerleader" – suits you best. Evaluate this based on your personality and ambitions. Remember, the right relationships should promote your growth and allow both partners to handle their emotions responsibly.

Lastly, clearly defining roles and expectations in a partnership is crucial. Without understanding your preferred dynamic and ensuring that you and your partner are on the same page, it's challenging to work towards common goals. By taking these steps, you build a foundation for a relationship that aligns with your entrepreneurial spirit and personal growth.

Quotes by Leila Hormozi

"I wanted not just a husband but I want a partner"

– Leila Hormozi

"You have to get super specific about what you want"

– Leila Hormozi

"I depend on him for the marketing genius and the strategy of the business and he depends on me for operations and the building of the team of the business"

– Leila Hormozi

"Every woman needs a man who's more of a man than her"

– Leila Hormozi

"The spouse you choose is the most important decision that you can make in your life"

– Leila Hormozi

Full Transcript

about are the two relationship dynamics that tend to work best for entrepreneurs just fair warning this is not based in facts it's not based on evidence or really anything else besides the compilation of all the books that i've read and what i've observed works in everybody that i know and what i've observed doesn't work and so it's just my opinion so if you don't like it you don't need to watch the video the first thing i want to say is just um before you watch this video i want you to understand that i gave this talk i want to say it was uh four years ago at our summit we had like 800 gym owners it resulted in two divorces but three engagements and so um if you are on the fence and trying to figure out like if your relationship works or if it doesn't work maybe this is a good video to watch and if you don't have a relationship i'm going to kind of clarify how you can understand which of these dynamics works best for you and how i was able to do that uh before getting married to alex and so um just to start off so you can understand how i made the decision when i met alex that he was somebody that i wanted to marry which was i had been super immersed in reading tony robbins books and watching all of his workshops etc etc and one of the uh i want to say exercises that he has you do is he has you write down everything that you want in a partner and so it's basically what are my non-negotiables that they must have what are my non-negotiables that they cannot have and then what are my non-negotiables that um or what are my you know wants and so i had this giant notebook and i had all my notes from this you know course training book whatever and on it i had all the things i wanted in a person it's probably like 30 things and then i had my non-negotiables of things which i wouldn't tolerate and i had basically come to the conclusion that i wanted not just a husband but i want a partner i didn't want someone who i just came home to and talked about my day but i want somebody who was there with me during the day and who is kind of on the field with me and the reason i wanted that is i think early in my life a lot of my relationships um had actually been like i was typically the more dominant one in them and so i usually had a man who was more passive because i am uh i do have a lot of more dominant masculine energy and so i had always found men who were just kind of more passive and submissive than me but what i realized is it didn't challenge me um i didn't feel like they could relate to me i felt like i was kind of like dragging them along and that they didn't have a lot of ambition and so it was just not interesting after a significant amount of time i was really really intentional when i was like okay i'm gonna go date and i was very intentional about the fact of what i was looking for and i was looking for a partner and somebody i wanted to marry now i wasn't sure how long it's gonna take to find that person i didn't have a timeline i wasn't paying pressure myself but i was very specific about what i knew i wanted and so that is the first piece that you have to get super specific about what you want and so even if you're in a relationship right now where you're like i'm not sure if this is what i want do that exercise go ahead and google like tony robbins relationship workshop do the exercise described or even you could just follow what i said that's pretty much exactly what it is and so that's the first thing it is i had that right now and it's funny because like when i met alex i went home that night after we had our date and i looked at that piece of paper and i was like this is it like this is actually everything i had described and that was really telling for me because it's not like we felt these like crazy emotions and sparks and chemistry but i was like man i just love talking to him i'm super interested in him and i just keep wanting to be around him that was kind of the beginning of knowing that we're on the right track the reason i premise with that is because i think that a lot of people when i explain these dynamics like if you don't know which one is for you and you don't do that kind of exercise prior to listening to this then you probably will just pick whatever sounds best but you really have to think about what you want from a partner and so um the two dynamics that i have seen work the best are fullback and cheerleader fullback is an easy one for me to describe because that's what being alex are and so we're essentially partners we're equals we treat it like um you know we're both on the field and this is the dynamic in which i would say if you want to decide who's right to be a fullback or if you're with somebody you're like are they my fullback it's like if you were lining up all these people would you pick that person to go to war with you and that's exactly what i think when i think about alex and myself we're both like hell yeah i choose you to have my back during war you know what i mean and so that's what i think when i think of fullback right like you literally are thinking like people are trying to kill me are they gonna be able to help me are they gonna be able to protect me right because maybe i'm busy shooting over here and they need to go shoot over here okay so that's what a fullback is and so what that usually looks like is you share the same mission you have the same um values you have a lot of the same interests um you share the power equally and you intertwine your lives with one another and so what that does mean is a lot of interdependence now i don't use word codependence which i don't really give a like what you want to call it um i think labels suck but interdependence is like you depend on each other for different pieces uh in your lives and so like when alex i build a business together i depend on him for the marketing uh genius and the strategy of the business and he depends on me for operations and the building of the team of the business and so we're okay with the fact that we rely on each other for that and we know that that is how it works and in marriage it's the same thing right like we know what we rely on each other for and so a lot of what you know alex and i and our actual marriage would rely on each other for would just be um we help balance each other out in the sense of like i typically air towards the sides of i go slower i'm more uh risk averse i'm more organized i'm more detail-oriented and so he relies on me for those kinds of aspects where i rely on him for pushing us taking more risks meeting more people doing more new things and so rather than resent each other for the differences that we have we appreciate those and we allow each other to push each of us to become better because of those and so that's how we share the power and we see each other as fullbacks right so you're each able to guard one another each able to take 50 of the load the reason i knew i wanted this because i'm pretty sure when i was first meeting alex it was like power couple started first trending on instagram and i was like that is exactly what i want because i was sick of feeling like i had somebody who was holding me back the entire time when i was in private relationships and so i met alex i was like holy i have never met a man who i felt like was more dominant and more uh like ambitious than me and so i was like this is awesome and so that's actually something i believe in which is like if you are a ambitious woman i think that a lot of times they settle for submissiveness but in reality i think that um every woman needs a man who's more of a man than her so um anyways that's just my personal opinion the second dynamic that you can look at is the cheerleader right and i have a ton of friends have this dynamic and i think it's fantastic and just because my marriage is not like that doesn't mean i have anything against it in fact i think it's awesome and i can see the purse of it and why it can be at times even better than the fullback dynamic and so what the cheerleader looks like is it's when one of the partners is on the battlefield right the other one is the number one supporter cheering them on from the sideline and so they're watching that person play the game they're you know before that person goes out in the battle they're washing their armor they're getting their guns ready they're loading them for them when they come back in they've got water they've got food they're helping them and that's what a cheerleader really does right they help them as much as they can without being in the game with them right they help them get the right headspace they help them recover they help them take breaks they also help encourage them and so they're a voice of encouragement and so what that really looks like is it's your number one fan who attends all the games uh they create a safe space in which that person can recharge and typically the the cheerleader is not you know they listen to the things about business or the things about whatever venture you may be on but they don't um know a ton about it right so they may have different interests than you but they're able to encourage you and they're able to help you grow because they're able to create that safe space you can come back to um and so usually what this means is that there's one person in the relationship who's more ambitious dominant um driven and there's one person a little more relaxed i want to say just more they have a more casual approach to life which there's nothing wrong with at all that's needed and a lot of people want that and so the cheerleader understands your love of the game that's the biggest thing they would never ask you to sit out and so this is where a lot of people go wrong they're like oh my wife because let's be real men always ask me this they're like why is it that my wife you know isn't supportive like you and i'm like well one you probably have a cheerleader not a fullback and you can't make a cheerleader a full-back she doesn't want to be one okay that's the first thing the second thing is that there's also just what doesn't fit into either of these categories which is just somebody who's resentful and negative and a lot of people have that they have girlfriends they have um significant others and you know sometimes it's the man so i'm not just saying this is not just for men it's just more typical that we see it um but we see the people were like why are you working so late why do you not come home on time why are you working so much you need to take time off you need to stop doing this and it's like they're on the field playing the freaking game and it gets hard and you tell them to quit okay and so i just i don't think that falls in either category i think that that's just somebody who's unsupportive i don't think that's what a spouse is supposed to do i think that we are each supposed to take care of ourselves before we take care of the other person the other person needs to learn how to take care of themselves the husband does not need to come home to help take care of the wife the wife should be able to take care of herself and so um i just think that that is a not healthy relationship in the sense of i don't think that people derive satisfaction when the other one is trying to they're almost discouraging the person on the field and we see that a lot and so that's why you don't want to get twisted a cheerleader would never do that she would be like if you broke your foot she'd be like dude i think you should get that checked out before you go back on the field like do we need to take a couple days but she would never be like i know it's hard you should just stop you've already done enough like you've gone far enough you don't need to do this honey like nobody wants that no entrepreneur you have any entrepreneurs i know that the reason that i really i truly if my soul believe that they have not succeeded is that they have a spouse who does that the spanish you choose is the most important decision that you can make in your life if you choose somebody who's constantly speaking negativity in your ear saying you've done enough like take break you should rest all this stupid then like why do you think you're not succeeding because the person that you are literally most attached to of anybody in the world is telling you why you don't need to that isn't a cheerleader or a fullback that's a relationship that is bound to keep you um i want to say bound within comfort um and i think that because that person is probably insecure and comfort based they try to keep you there and that is what you don't want right i can't even tell you how many times like i said like even though me and alex are both really ambitious there's times where he pushes me and like i might be upset i might be uh emotional but i won't ever say is like you're wrong because i am responsible to take care of my own emotions so if he wants to do something i don't agree with or maybe i don't want to do it or maybe it feels uncomfortable to me i can be upset i can have emotions that doesn't mean i should stop him because that's my to deal with and it also doesn't mean i need to put it on him every time i think that's really important too is that when you're looking at the dynamic between cheerleader and the person on the field as well as the fullbacks i think there's transparency and then there's also emotional dumping and i don't think that emotional dumping is something healthy you can do with your spouse and so if you have somebody who's constantly coming to you crying complaining negatively speaking all the time to you and you know every single freaking inner thought they have like maybe your spouse should get a therapist because i don't think that also makes for a good conducive relationship because then you know that every time you enter that relationship space where you're meant to talk and you're meant to share things with each other and experiences you're just constantly kind of trying to fight off the negative or you're having to listen to someone vent and complain and that's not really um like would you do that to anyone else that you're in a relationship with no well then why would you do to your spinals which is the relationship you're gonna have for the rest of your life so that is um something that you want either of those now when you're looking at those two dynamics there are three things that you're going to have in common for both of them the first one is a shared mission now you can have a shared mission and that one person when you have the cheerleader dynamic not be necessarily on the mission on the path with you but their mission is to support you right so they're like the merlin and you're the prince you know whatever who's on the mission and they're like the merlin in the background who's like helping make the potions and all that stuff but they're never going out on the battlefield right and so you can have the same mission but not be necessarily both on the field together now in a fullback situation you are on the field together the second thing is that you've aligned values and so it's just like would you hire somebody into your company who has completely separate values than you do the answer is no or at least i would hope it would be no because that typically doesn't work because you don't use the same values to make decisions by to live your life spot it's the same for marriage you want to make sure that when you get married to somebody whether it's a full back backer cheerleader that you have the same values or you agree upon a set of values that you're going to use to as the guiding principles for your marriage and life together okay so that's the second one is values and then the third one is clear expectations and this is the one that i think is where it comes down to making that list that i talked about in the beginning writing the sound understand you want cheerleader fullback because i think a lot of people don't define this then they get married or they get in a relationship and they don't know what they've got and they're constantly um resentful because unexpressed expectations are literally the death of relationships or they are um wanting of more because they have not asked it of somebody and if you don't ask the answer is always no and maybe they want to give it to you but they don't even know you want it and so i think that making sure you have clear expectations before you get married is also a very important thing so you've got the shared mission you've got aligned values and then you have clear expectations which is am i a cheerleader or a fullback and then how do we share this life together what do i do what do you do and the reason for that is would you hire somebody without making clear expectations no the would you marry somebody without clear expectations it's like blows my mind right because me and alex wrote these things down before we got married we're like this is why i expect views what you expect to me it's not like i expect you to like do your hair every day it's like i expect you to always you know pursue growth and um try and become a better version of yourself right like it's like those are things that we want in a partner and if one of us just decided that one day we're like i don't want to grow anymore i don't wanna do anything with my life i'm just gonna like triple up and die you know i don't think it would work and so we wanna set the expectations because at the end of the day i do believe relationships are an exchange of value in one way shape or form um whether people wanna say it or not that is the truth um like if your spouse didn't do didn't help you didn't support you didn't talk to you didn't provide didn't give you a place to love didn't help you work didn't do anything for you which is just yeah i just i think that you can be like i love you for who you are you have to do anything but at the same time like you just lay there like a dead fish are you really going to be excited about being married to that person i just think it's so um like i said write down understand do you want and are you looking for a cheerleader or a fullback if you're already in a relationship then maybe you need to define this now for yourself or maybe it's changed and maybe it's time for you to say actually i think this one's for me or not for me and then the second piece is auditing where you're at does it fit in a trailer does it fit into fullback if it doesn't fit into either is an unhealthy relationship do you have an unsupported person who's constantly whispering negativity into your ear and telling you why you need to stop can you slow down you just stop trying i challenge you to audit yourself for that to write down that list and then to if you have not clarified with your partner what is our mission what are our values that we live by together and then what do we expect of each other i promise you it will be one of the most valuable things you could possibly do for your marriage and your business so i will um continue to make a couple more videos on this subject because i've gotten a lot of questions about marriage and how to pick a spouse find a spouse stay with your spouse not fight with your spouse all sorts of things i'll continue trying to make videos on that along with more business videos so if you like this video go ahead hit subscribe and i will see you on the next one