I Got Arrested 6 Times (and I’m Not a Failure)
Summary
- Even if you've made mistakes in the past, you can change your future.
- Change becomes necessary when the cost of staying the same is greater than the cost of making a change.
- To prompt yourself to change, engineer your environment so that not changing is more painful than the effort it takes to change.
- Surrounding myself with people who did not encourage growth kept me from becoming who I wanted to be.
- Often, the environment you're in normalizes unhealthy behaviors, which makes changing difficult.
- I faced a turning point when my father expressed fear for my life; the shame and realization propelled me to change.
- By changing my environment and surrounding myself with different people and responsibilities, I was able to begin transforming myself.
- It’s crucial to replace bad habits with positive activities to fill the void and prevent relapse.
- Committing to change meant distancing myself from old friends and influences, even if it meant being alone for a while.
- I had to prove through actions, not words, that I was committed to change, aligning my behavior with my intentions.
- It's okay to be a little extreme when making changes in your life; short-term intensity can build positive momentum.
- Being lonely isn't a problem; it can be an advantage, teaching you to be self-reliant and preparing you to connect with the right people later.
- Set aspirational goals. For me, moving to California was inspired by wanting to one day afford a house like Tony Robbins'.
- Immerse yourself in environments where you can see the success you aspire to achieve; it fuels motivation and belief.
- Be selective about who you spend time with because behaviors are often mirrored; surround yourself with people who drive you to be better.
- Confidence comes from knowing that no matter how tough things get, you can rely on yourself to overcome challenges.
- It's important to share stories of personal transformation to inspire others who are struggling, showing them that change is possible.
Video
How To Take Action
I would suggest implementing small changes to create a better future. If mistakes were made in the past, focus on actions for a better tomorrow. Remember, change happens when staying the same hurts more than changing. To start, create an environment that makes not changing uncomfortable.
Here are steps to take:
- Look at who you hang out with. Are they helping you grow? If not, consider spending time with new people who push you to be better.
- Notice if your daily routines keep you stuck in bad habits. Change them by adding healthy activities like exercise or learning new skills.
- If bad influences are around, it might be time to be alone for a bit. Use this time to work on yourself and build self-trust.
- Set big dreams, like moving somewhere new or following a successful person's path you admire. This gives you a goal to aim for.
- Feel lonely? Use it to your advantage. Being on your own teaches you to depend on yourself, and that's a strong skill.
- Replace negative actions with good ones. If you used to waste time, now spend it on something that helps you grow.
Finally, share your story with others. It helps inspire people and shows them that everyone can change. Confidence grows each time you overcome a challenge, and it's this trust in yourself that will keep you moving forward.
Remember, it's about taking steps every day towards becoming the person you want to be, not the person you were.
Quotes by Leila Hormozi
"The cost of remaining the same is not yet higher than the cost of change"
– Leila Hormozi
"The pain of remaining who I was was greater than the fear of changing"
– Leila Hormozi
"Desire comes from lack"
– Leila Hormozi
"I don't ever want my actions and my words to be misaligned"
– Leila Hormozi
"I think being able to be alone and to forge your path by yourself is something that very few people can do and it is a very unfair Advantage when it comes to life"
– Leila Hormozi
Full Transcript
and I'm in a living room with all my friends everybody including myself is covered in mud and my friend's car has like a ginormous dent in it my friend wakes up and finds a note in his pocket do not damage this tree we hit a tree we were like and then we got out of the car and it was a swamp but I remember being like how did we survive I got arrested six times in a span of 18 months when I was 18 now I am 32 and I run a very successful company and this video is for anybody who feels like they don't want their past to Define their future I'm no different than anybody watching this I'm not made of different [ __ ] pull me open same so like if I can do it then you can do it so if you're watching this and you feel like you're in a place where you're stuck you want to change your behavior you want to change your life and it just feels really hard I want you to remember that the reason that you are not changing is because the cost of remaining the same is not yet higher than the cost of change so what you want to do is figure out how to engineer your environment to make staying the same more painful than changing and if you do that you will move if I look back to what caused the situation my environment made it very easy for me to not be the person I wanted to be not having a high level of responsibility that I had to rise to the occasion on a daily basis living on your own where there were no rules living with people who did a lot of partying and drinking and were not very responsible it's funny I don't vividly remember being arrested the first time because I was so drunk and I didn't think it was a big deal because my environment made it normal it wasn't abnormal a lot of people are not achieving their goals and they're doing things that are not good for them because it's acceptable in the environment they're in in a way it's completely accepted and it is entertainment for people around you they think it's funny they talk about it it becomes something you joke about next week when you go to the bar and there's some sort of reinforcement that people get for that is like people will find you interesting now depending on what type of school you go to what type of town you're in and what type of college you're at that's going to dictate also what type of people go to that place and live in that area the moment that my dad told me that he thought I was going to die it felt the cost of remaining the same was higher than the cost of change and in that moment I agreed with him that that could happen and I also felt incredibly ashamed so much so that that became one of the biggest negatives and it no longer becomes like oh Lea's just [ __ ] off as a teenager to my parents it's like no you're going down the wrong path in life and the pain of remaining who I was was greater than the fear of changing and a lot of people unfortunately never hit that because others around them maintain order for them so they don't have to experience all the negatives and so I remember thinking I need to change my environment I need to get around different people I need to have more respons responsibility if I change everything around me it will change me and so I did it and I think it was generally good direction and now I understand why it works back then I didn't know why I just knew people smarter than me with lives that seem much more appealing than mine said to do this and so I will do it because I have nothing to lose at this point so I moved out stopped hanging out with my friends I got a different job on campus at a place where like people weren't [ __ ] off all the time they were students those were the three main things I did and then I filled my time that I normally would have been partying and doing drugs and hanging out with these people with working out with studying I think a lot of people they do is they just stop doing all this [ __ ] the key is to replace it with something else because if you're just sitting there doing nothing suddenly eating the cookie is much more tempting desire comes from lack you take away all of these things that we're providing you with reinforcement and you put in no other reinforcement you're going to want to do those things and the likelihood that you give in is going to be much higher than if you replace them with something else I basically sent out the this message on Facebook like I'm going dark I have [ __ ] I need to do bye weird I would never do that now I think it's okay but that's what I did is I essentially was like my words mean nothing at this point so I need to go build evidence for everyone around me that when I say something I actually do it and that's been very important to me since then I don't ever want my actions and my words to be misaligned because they were back then I had a lot of friends that were very unsupportive you know talk about you know me and say oh she thinks she's too good for us now why can't you just like relax relx chill when you're trying to get your [ __ ] together you don't need more chill you need to go hard in the other direction and so I think being a little extreme when you're in a period where you're really trying to change I think it's good because momentum Works in both directions I had momentum in the wrong way I needed to build momentum in this direction yeah like in the long term that's not sustainable right but like for 6 months of doing that I think that was the best thing I could have ever done for myself people were like wow you've really changed then I realized that things were working oh it was so lonely but being lonely is not a problem I didn't have anybody for a while why because I was in a weird transitional period I wasn't relating to these people and I didn't get relate to these people and I think being able to be alone and to forge your path by yourself is something that very few people can do and it is a very unfair Advantage when it comes to life you learn to rely on yourself and you learn to instill the skills in yourself and I was like eventually I will attract the friends I want and I did but it's the same thing as attracting a spouse you know like you want some dime piece and you look like and have nothing going for you you're just never going to get them same goes for friendships it's like if you're a dirt bag you're not going to be friends with all these successful people I literally moved out to California because I read in a Tony Robbins book that he bought a house in Corona delmare and I had the dream that I wanted to one day be able to before to buy a house on the Cliffs of Crona delar so I went there and I moved to Costa Mesa cuz I couldn't afford to live in Kron and I would drive to that beach and I would walk around and I would lay on that beach and I would look at the cliffs and I was like one day I will be able to afford that it least when I'm around this I have the inspiration I can see that it's possible versus when I'm living somewhere where there's not even houses even close to that price range it felt like the vision was limited we like to repeat behaviors that we see other people do so we want to be really careful as to the people that we are around every time that you face something in life and you've dug yourself into this hole that's so deep and you're like how do I make my way out but most people never even take the first step to know that they're capable of doing it having that confidence that I can experience some of the most painful times in life and I know I have my own back is I think more powerful than anything because then it allows me to go into situations where that's a risk maybe there's a lot at stake here and I could feel a lot of really bad feelings but like I know when I feel really bad feelings I've got my own back I like to share this stuff because I don't feel like when I was going through this and trying to pull my life together after getting arrested so many times I didn't have many people that I could look up to because I felt like nobody had [ __ ] up as badly as I had I've always wanted to be that source of inspiration for people who are in that dark spot so that they know like you don't have to subscribe to being the same person that you are today tomorrow and you can completely change your life
