If you think like this you will stay poor and unhappy

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If you think like this, you will stay poor and unhappy…

Summary

  • I've come to realize the importance of how language shapes our mindset and experiences.
  • Proclaiming “I want to be happy” can actually create a gap between your current state and happiness, setting up a perpetual state of discontent.
  • Stating a desire is like signing a contract to be unhappy until that desire is fulfilled, which is counterproductive to actual contentment.
  • Questioning whether life needs to have inherent meaning can help alleviate self-imposed pressures and lead to acceptance of experiences as they are.
  • Beliefs such as "marriage should be a compromise" or "I should work a certain amount" set expectations that might lead to dissatisfaction when unmet.
  • By eliminating the need for judgement or justification of our actions (“I work because I work”), we can focus on the act itself, rather than on an expected outcome.
  • Setting goals with the mindset that the process is the goal itself, without any attached outcomes, can liberate us from burdening expectations.
  • I spend time discussing life with a philosopher friend, who helps me navigate and simplify complex thoughts, showing that the wisdom of others can be invaluable.
  • I oppose the Alcoholics Anonymous approach of labeling oneself with a problem every day, as I believe it reinforces a negative self-image and focuses the mind on the issue.
  • Affirmations can be useful, but a more powerful step might be to remove the concept of worthiness altogether and simply act without attaching value judgments.
  • Accepting that ultimately, nothing we do may have lasting impact can alleviate the fear of others' judgments and empower us to pursue what we truly desire.
  • It is more effective to eliminate negative self-labels and focus on actions you can take, regardless of perceived worthiness or societal expectations.
  • Understanding that success isn't about what we deserve, but rather about taking the actions that lead to desired outcomes, can motivate us to move forward without self-imposed limitations.

Video

How To Take Action

I would suggest that small business owners and entrepreneurs focus on changing their language because it shapes how they think. If you keep saying you want to be happy or successful, you're actually telling yourself you're not those things right now. Instead, just be in the moment without adding labels or judgments. Just say "I work" not "I work to be happy."

When setting goals, do it for the sake of the process, not for an outcome. Love what you do every day, and let the results come as they may. This takes the pressure off and lets you enjoy the work more.

It could also help to talk things out with a wise friend who gets life. They don't have to be a philosopher, just someone thoughtful. They can help you see things simpler and clearer. Swap stories and ideas with them regularly.

Don't label yourself with problems like "I am an alcoholic" or "I am unsuccessful." This can make you stuck on those issues. Instead, act without thinking about those labels. Just do things because you want to or because they're right for you.

Affirmations might help a bit, but going deeper and taking out the whole idea of worthiness can be freeing. Just act because you can, not because you are "worthy" or "deserve" it.

Lastly, accept that maybe no one will remember what you did long after you're gone, and that's okay. It can set you free from worrying about what others think. This can give you the courage to do what you really want, like starting your YouTube channel or trying a new business idea, without fearing judgment.

In summary, speak truthfully, enjoy the process, seek wisdom from friends, drop negative labels, forget about worthiness, and don't fear what others think. This can help you be more content, take risks, and ultimately, be more successful.

Quotes by Alex Hormozi

"A desire is a contract we make with ourselves to be unhappy until we get what we want"

– Alex Hormozi

"Life just is and it's the only way that you can actually be there"

– Alex Hormozi

"We live in this like this shoulds and have to's and like happiness everyone talks about it and it's like everyone is unhappy because they say they want to be happy"

– Alex Hormozi

"If life just is…I don't need to judge the am it just is"

– Alex Hormozi

"If you want to make the transition from like a process driven life…it has to be I do them period not because I do them"

– Alex Hormozi

Full Transcript

worth by the time we were age 32 and as a result of that we had very different views and perspectives on money and happiness and i was recently interviewed in a two hour long podcast with graeme steffen and he asked questions about it and from what i understand a lot of people shared and talked about this particular section of the podcast and so we chose to cut this out and give it to you in the next 11 minutes and if you don't know who i am my name is alex mosey on acquisition.com it's a portfolio of companies so enjoy the video welcome to buzzy nation and i'll see you on the other side like a lot of people make statements like they're like isms like this is this way um like i have this thought and it is and you're like and i've just accepted that like i'm always gonna have this like i would just never speak that over yourself just right off the bat because like you're just saying i'm never gonna get over this thing like the statement you said earlier about like at the end of the day i just like i just want to be happy like when you admit that you just want to be happy then what happens is you create a deficit between your current reality and happiness which means that it doesn't matter what happens because there will always be happiness that is outside of yourself that make sense kind of yeah i mean but i would consider myself no no he didn't get that at all no i got that because i'm like looking at chad like oh man but i thought okay so here's my here's my interpretation of it if i'm telling myself that i just want to be happy then i will never be happy that's what you're saying no i understand what you're saying right but i'm telling you right now that i am happy now good so but it okay wait graham i why do you still think i don't understand that so like deficits deficits occur when we speak desires right and so um i love this statement um a desire is a contract we make with ourselves to be unhappy until we get what we want and so whenever we state a desire like i want this i want this amount of money i want whatever you literally sign a contract that says like i won't be unhappy until that happens right and so like i had this thing earlier on where i was like i want to have meaning i want to have great meaning in my life and i was talking to a guy who made a lot more money than me because i asked him i said how do you create and destroy meaning in your work that was the question i asked him on a podcast and he was like why do you think life needs to be meaningful and it was the same exact thing as the happiness versus like the meaning thing where it's like i say life has to be meaningful and therefore everything that i'm doing like i create this expectation of life whereas if life just is it just is and it's the only way that you can actually be there um it's just it's just pure acceptance right um which is why like the whole like shoulds of like we should work we should have balance we should acts it's like i believe marriage is a compromise like these are just statements of belief that are casting expectations out in the world that are just bound to be untrue at some point and then create dissonance and so it's like i believe marriage is marriage and i believe my marriage is my marriage and i believe your marriage is your marriage and like i believe that i can work 24 hours a day if i want to and that is all period not and it's bad or and it's good there's no judgement on it it just is and so like if i get you know if i get dopamine secreted in my brain when i start working cool like and i will optimize for dopamine and if i die i know that in a thousand generations nothing i do anyways is going to matter so who cares like that's like the the opening thing in my book is like there are no rules like we live in this like this like shoulds and have to's and like like happiness everyone talks about it and it's just like everyone is unhappy because they say they want to be happy rather than being like accepted like happiness like i just am period and then like i don't need to judge the am it just is how do you what do you say to that i don't know that makes sense yeah because so one thing i notice is if you're like i just want to be happy yeah does that mean alex that you think that at some point that will change for you or something or you're you have you live no i think that will change i think you guys maybe are taking what i'm saying the wrong way i mean like like alex is saying you know everybody has different beliefs and there's no one rule fits all to everybody and so if i say i want to be happy that doesn't make me wrong like if i want to live my life that way that's perfectly fine but the the thing that that what jack is saying is no i am like happy like i but i for me i like to make like a conscious effort to work towards that and alex can live his life like life is life my marriage is my marriage um and it works for him and that generates happiness whether he's like thinking about it but it doesn't have to generate happiness that's the problem right yes yes like right like but like because it makes like not because it's like when people say like hey um work uh you know set these goals and like the rest will take care of itself it still makes the rest taking care of itself the reason that you're doing it which means that it's actually not getting around it when people were like you got to be process driven if you're like if we focus on the process the goals take care of themselves it still means that the goals are important so like you have to if if you want to make the transition from like a process driven life which is like i'm doing these things to do them period then the so that i can be happy so that i can have a good marriage so that i have a meaningful life has to disappear from the equation it has to be i do them period not because i do them but then it goes back the other way like but why because you say so like because you want to right like if you want to have if you want to ascribe a meaning to why you're doing something you can do it for whatever reason wow this is deep so i mean this is what i spent a lot of my time thinking of because i have nothing else to do and this is what my last year was was like trying to figure out like why why i didn't have like i i felt the exact same way while i was well i had nothing as to where i have now i feel the same like like people were like man it was cool when the money hit my account i felt nothing like truly like not even like the two-day like i it was irrelevant how did you learn all of this did was this through speaking with other people who have been there before you thinking um i mean my closest friend is a philosopher and i use that in terms of like the actual meaning of the word philosopher so like filet to love and then sophos is wisdom or knowledge so like he's a lover of knowledge lover of wisdom and like we talk every week it's like the only standing meeting that i have is we talk for like two hours and we just talk about life and he's one of these guys who like lives in a cave um and it's like he got his phd when he was 20. like just a very brilliant guy and so he and i just talk about things you know should uh share his contact information for some guests on the podcast oh i mean he's brilliant i mean if you like dr cashew is brilliant he's the he's the smartest human that i know in terms of like brilliance and their ability to communicate it um in a simple way um and so he helped me get over a lot of the things that i that i used to struggle with and a lot of it was just like the language that we use matters a lot because like how we say things is how we think things and so like what i was saying earlier alex and this is not like this is not like a slide i'm just saying like when i hear like when i hear anyone talk like on my team or or customers or whatever it's like people talk so many things over themselves and they're like i don't know why i'm not successful and it's like well define success and why are you not and then what are the you know i mean like i just want to do this to be had like there's so many chains that they put on themselves that it becomes very difficult to live and so like i spent a long time trying to not do that and it was just because like i was unhappy and i didn't like being unhappy and then i stopped judging myself for being unhappy and then i stopped thinking about it all together and so i think that like i'll give you a really real example for this so one of the things that i'm vehemently opposed and i'm like you no one give gram flack you can give it to me um and like this is coming from a family through like had out alcoholics and drug addicts and things like that like i really don't like the alcoholics anonymous um concept of every morning waking up and saying i am an alcoholic high you know whatever and then they go into their in their meetings because what it does is it puts it at the forefront of their mind and they they literally label themselves every morning is having this problem when somebody who's not an alcoholic just doesn't think about it they don't think i'm an alcoholic i have to fight not drinking every day they just don't think about it and so i think to the same degree that like living a meaningful life is not saying like i'm living a meaningful life you just are and you're not casting it you're just you just are but don't you think some of that is just that inherent belief that some people just have they're raised from that they have positive experiences that turns into a spiral but the people who don't have that who are used to every day being like i'm worthless i suck at this i am bad at this don't you think that maybe that like first step in like getting in that direction is positive affirmations of like i could do it i could isn't that like that's better than zero like i feel like we're going to zero to one because i think it's exiting i think it's exiting the equation all together so saying i am worthless instead of saying like i want to be worthy or i am worthy just saying worthiness doesn't matter but then wouldn't you get just people not caring at all yes yeah so i'm 100 annihilus yeah like i believe nothing happens and like you know it is what it is right but and there are different ways to take that some people are like life is meaningless and there's no point in any of it which i would agree with them and then the other people were like there's no point in any of it and so i'll do what i want and some people see that as like very very very self-serving which it might be but to the same degree like you are released from the chains of the expectations of others and most people in my opinion that i have witnessed who are unhappy is because they are weighted down by the chains of their parents of their friends of their siblings of the whatever things the people that they believe are casting judgment on them and they care so much about that person's disapproval that they don't want to do the things that they want to do and so if i think it's easier to get someone to realize that none of it matters and then build from there than to try and flip the negatives it's just to exit the equation altogether to say none of this matters therefore i will start my youtube channel and not care if my dad says that youtube isn't real like it's not about being worth it like this is one where they're like i deserve success like they don't no one deserves anything but you can do the stuff that gets success independent of your deservingness give me a terrible person and get and become successful so that person doesn't deserve but they did these things that create success if we define success as some material whatever and so i think um like if you can exit the equation of like labeling yourself and then just doing because because what else will you do while you are alive it creates some levels of freedom that allow for clarity of thought and also for the ability to take risks that most people can't take

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