STOP waiting for a mentor

Summary

• I've learned that no one person can solve all your problems; only your future self can truly meet your expectations.
• Having a mentor is rare; often, the best mentors choose their mentees based on potential and existing achievements.
• The best way to gain mentorship is to work for someone who you admire and can also be a mentor.
• Being resourceful is crucial; I consumed content, audiobooks, and interviews from people I admired to guide myself.
• Don't let the absence of a mentor stop you. Use a variety of sources to create a well-rounded perspective.
• Betting on yourself and taking risks is essential. It's okay to manage the worst-case scenario and learn from it.
• Seeking constant reassurance slows you down; trust yourself to make good decisions through trial and error.
• Be practical and look for experts in specific areas like money, investing, or sales, rather than seeking one person as a silver bullet.
• Building trust in yourself comes from accumulating experiences where you relied on your own judgment and succeeded.
• High-level mentors often look for mentees who are already demonstrating excellence and can enhance their reputation.
• Collect advice from diverse sources. You can learn valuable lessons from people you dislike as well as those you admire.
• Comparison isn't inherently bad; it's self-judgment that makes it damaging. Use comparison for growth and motivation.
• Accept that no one is the perfect role model. Take pieces from various influences to create your own life blueprint.
• Trust yourself and take action to build evidence that you are capable, which will help you rely on your own judgment over time.
• Ultimately, you become your own role model. The person you aspire to be is your future self.

Video

How To Take Action

I would suggest implementing the following strategies to grow yourself or your business effectively, as they are simple to start and offer significant value without huge investments of money or time:

1. Be Resourceful

A good way of doing this is by consuming a variety of content from people you admire. Read books, listen to audiobooks, and watch interviews. This helps you gather different perspectives and ideas. For example, I consumed content from Tony Robbins when I couldn't access a mentor directly. Use information from different sources to guide your decisions and strategies.

2. Trust Yourself

Start small by making decisions on your own and reflecting on the outcomes. This helps you build confidence and trust in your own judgment. Remember, everyone faces trial and error, and mistakes are part of learning. When you rely on your judgment and succeed, you build trust in yourself, making it easier to navigate future challenges.

3. Compare Constructively

Use comparison as a tool for growth rather than self-judgment. Look at successful individuals and identify what they do differently from you. This can provide actionable insights into what you can improve. Focusing on what you can learn from others, rather than feeling bad about not being where they are, is key.

4. Become Your Own Mentor

Take pieces of advice from various experts and mold them into your own unique strategy. You won't find a single person who has all the answers to your problems. Identify experts in specific areas (like sales, management, or investing) and integrate their advice as relevant. This will help you create a well-rounded approach to personal and business growth.

5. Bet on Yourself

Don't wait for constant reassurance. Take calculated risks and be prepared to handle the worst-case scenarios. Move forward even without a mentor. For example, I moved to California to follow what had worked for Tony Robbins, betting on myself to figure things out.

6. Learn from Everyone

Even individuals you may not like can teach you valuable lessons. Be open to learning from various sources and people's experiences, regardless of your personal feelings towards them.

By following these strategies, you'll start building the foundation for personal and business growth, all while keeping costs low and value high.

Quotes by Leila Hormozi#### "The best way to get a mentor is to get a boss who is a mentor"

– Leila Hormozi

"There is no one person that has exactly everything you're looking for in life the only person that has that is future you"

– Leila Hormozi

"Being resourceful is one of the number one traits of successful people"

– Leila Hormozi

"Allow yourself to take risks and know that you're going to have your back if it fails"

– Leila Hormozi

"Don't get me wrong, I think that when you're extremely new following a set of instructions to solve a problem is not a bad idea"

– Leila Hormozi

Full Transcript

here's the thing there have been a lot of times in my life where I have wanted a mentor and when I got into business and I finally started making money and then I had resources to quote get mentors what I was really awakened to is that there's no one person that's going to come in and solve all your problems there's nobody that has exactly everything you're looking for in life the only person that has that is future you so was it difficult to not have anyone like you to look up to during a time when you were coming in business you know I think that that what's tough is everyone always wants a mentor because everyone always wants somebody that can tell them what to do when they're starting anything that's new I have always wanted that and so the reason I make content is because I would like to provide some sort of guidance for people who don't have that but the reality is everyone always asks me the same question they say who was your mentor and the reality is I didn't have a mentor I tried I would say a lot of the people who I had wanted to be my mentors weren't accessible to me at the time and so you know the reason for that is because the best mentors you know they really choose who they want to Mentor um they don't have people coming to them they really go and find that person and a lot of the times who you would want to be your Mentor they're mentoring people that are working for them and on their team and so like I will always say the best way to get a mentor is to get a boss who is a mentor um much easier than trying to convince them to like have you be their interns but what I did is like I just got a quote proximity by consuming content consuming audiobooks consuming interviews consuming books from all the people that I look up to and so there was no one person that I thought was like the Silver Bullet to unlock success for me I just tried to learn from groups of successful people that had different pieces that I really liked you know at the time Tony Robbins was probably the number one person I looked up to Tony Robbins isn't going to Mentor me I was just a 23 old I had no experience I had no track Harker to show that I'm going to be this special person with potential and I will say L the other people that I looked up toward that I really wanted as mentors I probably am friends with half of them now you know eventually what happens is like if you get to the point where you've actually proven yourself like you will end up meeting those people but a lot of people let the fact that they don't have a mentor stop them from doing something and the reality is is that there is no Silver Bullet there's no one person that's going to tell you exactly what to do the closest thing again that you can get to that is getting a great boss who is also a mentor but in reality like that's also seldom and so you're going to have to be be resourceful being resourceful is one of the number one traits of successful people how was I resourceful was like I would read books and I would listen to audio tapes and I would watch interviews of people that inspired me and I would take notes and then I would apply everything I learned to the situations I was facing you know when I was looking for answers I didn't have anyone I could call I would go look and try and watch interviews from people and see like have they ever face situations similar that I could apply to the situation I'm facing right now and so I think a lot of people let this stop them from getting started thinking like who's your role model who's your Mentor it's like there is no one person it is just a compilation of all these different inspiring people that I've seen throughout my life and I've never expected those people to be my mentor just because I've wanted it I think that if anything you need to become successful in order to be worthy of a lot of the people that you would prefer to be your Mentor an example of this is like I moved out to California why did I move to California why did I move to specifically Coast Mesa I had literally been listening to an audio book from Tony Robbins where he talked about how he got out from where he was living and he moved somewhere where people were inspiring and where he moved to was Corona delmare and guess what I could not afford Corona delare because it was too expensive and so I moved as close as possible which was Coast to Mesa that had affordable living and I would literally go to Tona delmare I would go to the beach that he described in his audio tape and I would sit at the beach and I would be writing down all my goals and thinking about all the things they needed to do to learn while I was listening to that tape but it's not like I had somebody that said go there go to California go move there I just literally listen to the books and I was like it you know worked for him might as well try it I'm 22 I have nothing to lose what a lot of people look for in a role model or Mentor is reassurance and the reality is you can either wait months or years to find this magical unicorn that's going to tell you what to do how to do it and that they're sure it's going to work or you can do what is actually going to happen which is you can take a risk and you can bet on yourself and so what I did in that moment is I bet on myself and I said you know what I can manage the worst case if this doesn't work out and I'm okay with that and I would be less okay with not taking a chance at all I say that because it's really important that you understand we often look for somebody so that they can reassure us of the right decision but they don't know either they can just look at you and probably tell you I think that you're the kind of person who's going to figure the out I know that because people ask me all day they're like should I do this or this and I'm like you seem like the kind of person that's going to figure it out out either way either way works you're going to make it work it's not like there's a magical path that you have to follow it's that you become the person that can make any path work and so rather than seeking reassurance from the outside put more trust in yourself and allow yourself to take risks and know that you're going to have your back if it fails here's the thing there have been a lot of times in my life where I have wanted a mentor and when I got into business and I finally started making money and I finally started having something that worked and then I had resources to quote get mentors what I was really awakened to is that there's no one person that's going to come in and solve all your problems there's nobody that has exactly everything you're looking for in life the only person that has that is future you and that person has not come into fruition yet and so you know what took me a long time to learn is I still thought that when I was building my business that I was like all right well maybe now because I have the money and I have the connections I'm going to find that one person but what I realize is that often times what you need is not a mentor specific people that have domain expertise over whatever area you're trying to improve is it money is it investing is it wealth is it management of people is it sales is it marketing and I actually think that what I've learned is that based on whatever constraint I have whatever I'm struggling with that's what I should look for I shouldn't look for this one person who has the life I want and I'm just going to take that blueprint I should look for a person who has the specific skill and ability to help me with whatever my constraint is and so it's not like you're gonna find this one person who's like an amazing they're absolutely amazing at all these different things because again that person's probably not reachable yet but when you do have enough resources there's probably some that you can pay to help you with one area and so what I put together in my first few years of business was really like my Rolodex of what I would say is like experts who each had their own little area of expertise you know I was like this person is my money expert this person is my investing expert here's my management expert here's my sales expert and those are people that I knew that when a constraint came up in any one area I could call that specific person but I wasn't looking for like one Silver Bullet to be the answer to all of my problems I think a lot of the reason that when you're starting in business it's tough to not have a mentor is because you don't have trust in yourself yet the reason you don't have trust in yourself is not because you're not trustworthy it's because you haven't had enough time or experience to accumulate enough instances where you can demonstrate that you are able to trust yourself you might only have one or two instances that you can point to where you were able to trust yourself and you knew you had your own back when me for example I have 45 instances of when I had my own back I was able to trust myself in my decision- making and so I think a lot of times people who are consistently asking for a mentor what they're actually wanting is that reassurance and so what you have to understand is that until you build that trust within yourself you're always going to be looking for it from the outside but it doesn't exist there because you're going to ask one person and what you're going to find very quickly is that even when the best Mentor ever if you're somehow able to get a hold of them and they're able to answer that one question you will very quickly find out that one they might be wrong because they don't know you and they don't know your life and two it might not be the answer you were looking for and then three you might actually done think actually you know what I need someone else's opinion so at the end of the day like I stopped wishing for a mentor when I started realizing I needed to become my own I needed to become the person I can rely on on the person I can think through things with the person that I can rely on to make good decisions I needed to accumulate those skills Within Myself and guess what you don't accumulate those skills without trial and error without just trying it's not like it comes out of reading a freaking book it certainly doesn't come out of taking instructions from other people and not trying for yourself it comes out of making mistakes falling on your face eating and then you realize like I didn't die and you know what I was able to fix stuff and so is making mistakes that bad and once you're okay with making more mistakes then you're also okay with trusting yourself more because you know that whether you succeed or whether it doesn't work you're going to make it work either way don't get me wrong I think that when you're extremely new following a set of instructions to solve a problem is not a bad idea but what you can't do is sit on your freaking ass and wait for somebody to come shove those instructions down your throat you've got to go find them you use Google you use YouTube you have freaking chat GPT nowadays it probably can answer the question than me I think it's just remembering that we have more resources now than ever and so it makes sense that we try to be resourceful rather than waiting for something to come to us and the reality is is that what a lot of people also can tell you is just like that person that you want to be your Mentor you may not be worthy of being their Mente because the reality is if you were they would have responded to you they would have reached out to you and they would approach you and I've had to learn that the hard way you know there was a time where there was this guy and he is still is one of the most renowned CEO coaches in all of Silicon Valley and he's coached some of the top CEOs of some of the quite literally largest technology companies in the world and I met him by by chance and I was silly enough to ask him if I could pay him I was like millions of dollars to be my mentor and he was just very sweet but was like I choose the people I mentor and I was just like okay and you know what that was like honestly I won't even say it was a tough pill to swallow cuz I was just like I get it I'm not the CEO of Facebook and so it is what it is like that person's not going to Mentor me I'm not worthy of it I haven't demonstrated enough Excellence to give them a high enough return on mentoring me it's not even for a lot of people in that position worth the money it's not even about the money it's about can you help build their reputation through what you do so for a lot of people who are mentoring when it's not about the money because that's all they have enough money right there's no amount you could pay them that makes a difference in a life it's about are you going to do something so extraordinary that it builds their reputation for being your mentor and I know for me personally that's the only thing that I think about when I'm thinking about mentoring people I also don't Mentor people I either take on their company or I hire them on my team I Mentor those people but I am always thinking like is this person are they a winner are they somebody that I will stake my reputation on and invest my time in because I think I'm going to get a return meaning they're going to evolve they're going to grow and so it may sound transactional but that is life there has to be an equal exchange of value and if you think that you can get somebody like Tony Robbins or you know John Maxwell or some one of these big people to be your Mentor but you provide a less Equitable exchange of value that person is never going to be a mentor and so it just is what it is I think we just have to face the reality of that and the thing is is that there's no one person that you can follow every Playbook they have I'll be honest I think that the more intelligent somebody is the more that they can learn from somebody that they're very different from and the less intelligent somebody is they cannot disagree with anything you say because then they they disqualify everything else you've said so for example if somebody is less intelligent and they watch my content and they say you know what though I don't agree with how she runs how they run their marriage so I'm going to disqualify all her business content well that's a shame because my business content probably is very relatable for you and applicable what the does my marriage have to do with it you don't have to do your marriage like mine and I think that's also something I've had to realize which is there are people that I dislike but they have good information in certain areas of life does that mean they're my mentor no but does it mean I can learn from them yes I can learn from people I don't like I can also learn from people I like but sometimes I might actually learn less from people I like and more from people I don't like what I've been able to learn over time is like you kind of have to create your own Playbook you have to take things from people you like from people you don't like from your own experiences from what you want for yourself and you have to piece meal it together into your own path now in the beginning of course following instructions being able to follow instructions based off of what you Google what you read on the internet what you watch on YouTube like that has a skill in its own but then after some time you're going to want to afford your own path and I think that the sooner you can get to that rather than wishing for somebody to tell you what to do just tell yourself what to do the faster you're going to be able to find success and probably also be Happ here's the thing a lot of people say comparison is the thief of Joy I would actually say that judgment is the thief of joy and comparison is the initiator of growth how do you grow if you can't compare yourself to someone who's better than you answer that truly how would you know that the 4-minute mile is possible if somebody else had not run it before you very few people are able to conceptualize something that hasn't happened yet we have this society that we live in that says comparison is the thief of joy and I really just don't think it's compar comparison comparison is looking at where you're at where somebody else is at and what's the discrepancy is it good or bad is it up or down is it left or right it's simply a discrepancy in performance there's no good or bad about that what I think makes it good or bad right and what a lot of people do is they judge themselves they say I suck because I'm not there yet I suck because they're only 3 years ahead of me and they're here in my opinion that's just because you're victimizing yourself and putting yourself down for not being where they're at which is up to you to do nobody else is doing that for you you know I look at somebody who's you know two years ahead of me and worth way more and way bigger life and done way crazier stuff and I'm like holy crap what can I learn from that person that's amazing that if they've done it I can do it we're both humans I do think we live in this world where we demonize comparison but comparison is the only thing that allows us to evolve like without it how the would we know that we could do better it's a gift it's just that you judge yourself for the fact that you're not where Harry is or where Sally is yet and that's where the bad part of comparison comes in but that's you and that's your own headship and so that's something I had to realize for myself is I used to think that comparison was bad and comparing myself to these people that were so far ahead of me and I shouldn't look at it and I shouldn't focus on that there's nothing wrong with focusing on it if it's motivational I think what's bad is when you beat yourself up for not being there because when you beat yourself up you feel disempowered and you're less likely to take action but when you look at something and you feel inspired you're actually motivated to take action comparison is neither good nor bad it's just judgment that makes it feel that way so here's the thing I think it's good to compare yourself to people around you to people that are competitors to people that are ahead of you to people that are Your Role Models because how else are you going to know what you can do to get better you're not looking at it in a non-judgmental way is probably one of the healthiest things you can do to become a better version of yourself and to gain more skills but I think it's also knowing that at the end of the day there's no one person who is everything you want to be there's just not that person doesn't exist the only person that is that is your future self you 20 years from now you 30 years from now I know it's taken me probably took me 5 years to realize that the only person who's exactly who I want to be is ilila who doesn't exist yet it's future Lila there's literally nobody else on this Earth who I would say blueprint I want your entire life it just doesn't exist and so peace meal things together that you see from different people who inspire you in different areas of life compare yourself don't judge yourself to people who are around you who maybe are more further ahead of you than you are and look at what the discrepancy is what do they do that you don't do or what do you do that they don't do there's a lot you can learn from that and then lastly is I would say trust yourself and here's the thing you don't have a lot of reasons yet but you're not going to be able to even create any reasons unless you try and you're not going to be able to create evidence that you are trustworthy unless you try to do things and then figure out what you're capable of at the end of the day when somebody asks how do I find a role model you become them you're not going to find a person that is exactly who you want to be you are that person those are the three things that you can do to get closer to becoming the person you want to be