The Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding

Summary

• Everything you want is often on the other side of a few difficult conversations. Framing these conversations by acting like you know less can help navigate them.
• I like to say, "Talk to me like I'm a golden retriever that has Down syndrome and doesn't speak English," to lower the pressure and show I'm not attacking anyone.
• This approach helps position the other person to explain things without feeling defensive.
• When someone responds, I find it useful to repeat what they said back to them to ensure clarity, like saying, "Okay, so if we mess up, we pay. Am I understanding that right?"
• Walking through conversations like this in a straightforward way usually helps reduce tension.
• If you can't have these types of conversations with someone, then you might not actually be friends.

Video

How To Take Action

I would suggest implementing the idea that tough conversations lead to growth. Start by framing these conversations in a relaxed way, acting like you know less than you do. This takes the pressure off both you and the other person. Use a silly line like, "Talk to me like I'm a golden retriever that has Down syndrome and doesn't speak English," to lighten the mood and signal you're not trying to attack.

A good way of navigating these talks is by listening carefully and repeating back what you hear. If someone explains something complex, summarize it back to them. Say, "So, if we mess up, we pay. Am I understanding that right?" This keeps the discussion clear and ensures you're both on the same page.

To add real value, keep your tone straightforward and matter-of-fact. This helps reduce any potential tension or defensiveness.

Lastly, if you cannot have open conversations with someone, assess the relationship. It might not be as strong as you think. In business or personal growth, building connections where you can communicate openly is crucial.

In summary, approaching challenging discussions with humility, clarity, and openness can make them much easier, leading to better understanding and stronger relationships.

Full Transcript

everything you want is on the other side of a few hard conversations but a way to ask those harder questions is to frame them like you're an idiot I always say hey talk to me like I'm a golden retriever that has Down syndrome and doesn't speak English let me ask a couple stupid questions right and so I say that as my big frame before I start asking questions so that I'm pulling all the way back saying like this is not an ego thing this is not me attacking you I just seek to understand and that can position the other person to do the explanation in a way that's not uh an attack whenever someone does say something back to me I say awesome let me say it back to you to make sure that I get it if someone says Hey under these circumstances you would bear this cost i' be like okay so that means if we drop the ball we eat the bag we up we pay am I duplicating that right it's really just walking through that and if you're talking about it in a matter of fact way then usually you can diffuse a lot of the tension in those situations but if you can't have these types of conversations with someone then guess what you're actually not friends